April 24 2016

Alpha & Omega

Ich hasse es, Anfänge zu schreiben.

Nicht nur bei meinen Geschichten, sondern bei jedem Text, den ich schreibe. Der Anfang muss etwas Besonderes sein, so die allgemeine Überzeugung. Dieser Gedanke im Hinterkopf setzt mich unter Druck und manchmal suche ich tagelang nach dieser Besonderheit, nach dem einen ersten Satz, der dem Leser gar keine andere Wahl lässt, als weiterzulesen. (Was meistens damit endet, dass ich die Geschichte gar nicht erst anfange.)
Oder ich suche nach dem einen Satz, der meinen allerersten Beitrag in meinem allerersten Blog einleiten darf. Er soll spritzig sein, originell, interessant, lustig, tiefgründig, verheißungsvoll … Geworden ist er das nicht, aber damit kann ich leben. Denn ich denke mir:

Das Wichtigste an einem ersten Satz ist, dass du ihn schreibst.

Egal wie schwach er ist, führt er doch zu einem zweiten Satz, zu einem dritten und vierten, bis hin zum Ende. Womit wir bei meinem nächsten Problem wären.

Mit dem Schreiben von Enden habe ich keine Erfahrung.
Und immer, wenn ich beim Schreiben (oder sonstwo) Dinge tun muss, die ich noch nie getan habe, gerate ich schnell in Panik und ziehe den Schwanz ein. Die meisten meiner Kurzgeschichten enden sehr offen, sämtliche Romane hingegen enden überhaupt nicht. Bis jetzt. Denn vor ein paar Tagen habe ich die erste Rohfassung meines Roman-Projektes Kumen-Esh abgeschlossen.

Hätte ich beim Schreiben des letzten Absatzes gewusst, dass es der letzte sein wird, hätte sich mein Hirn vermutlich sofort in einer Blockade verkrampft. Ich hätte zwanghaft versucht, alles perfekt zu machen und schließlich frustriert aufgegeben. (Das Problem hatte ich in abgeschwächter Form schon bei etlichen Kapitel-Enden.)
Allerdings hatte ich das Glück, die letzte Szene in einem Schreibrausch intuitiv zu einem Punkt zu lenken, an der ein Schlussstrich passte. Ich schrieb also einen Satz, von dem ich selbst gerade noch dachte, es sei einfach nur ein x-beliebiger Satz in dieser Szene, und plötzlich wusste ich:
Das ist der letzte Satz!

Vorsichtshalber löschte ich ihn, überlegte kurz, ob mir spontan etwas Besseres einfallen würde, und schrieb ihn schließlich wieder hin. Ich lächelte und wusste: Kumen-Esh ist zu Ende. Was irgendwie blödsinnig ist, denn nach diesem letzten Kapitel kommt noch ein Epilog (von dem ich auch schon eine genaue Vorstellung habe). Und trotzdem fühlte ich, dass in diesem Moment für mich die Geschichte zu einem Ende gekommen war.

Wo liegt jetzt das Problem?
Nun, nachdem die erste Euphorie (und die zweite) abgeklungen war, sah ich mir die Sache nochmal an. Fand sie immer noch gut. „Aber!“, meldete sich der hirneigene Kritiker, der es nicht abhaben kann, wenn ich gut gelaunt und zufrieden mit dem Ergebnis bin. „Aber!“ – mehr nicht, kein Hinweis, keine Andeutung, was denn falsch an meinem wunderschönen Ende sein soll.
Mein Kopf ging natürlich sofort darauf ein: Was stimmt nicht? Sind alle Handlungsfäden sauber beendet? (Keine Ahnung.) Werden alle Konflikte aufgelöst? (Vermutlich nicht.) Bleiben Fragen offen? (Eine Menge.) Stellt es den Leser zufrieden? (Woher zur Hölle soll denn ich das wissen?!)

Kurz gesagt: Ich befürchte, dass mein Ende, so wie ich es geschrieben habe, technisch ziemlich misslungen ist und den Leser unbefriedigt zurücklässt. Im Moment kann ich das Problem einfach aufschieben – immerhin muss die erste Hälfte dieses über 200k Wörter umfassenden Monstrums quasi neugeschrieben werden -, aber irgendwann werde ich wieder vor der Frage zu stehen: Was macht ein gutes Ende aus?

Vielleicht bin ich bis dahin schlauer, vielleicht auch nicht. Vielleicht werde ich in rasender Verzweiflung schreien, heulen und um mich schlagen.

Oder ich werde mir einfach denken:

Was soll’s? Das Wichtigste an einem letzten Satz ist, dass du ihn geschrieben hast.

 




Veröffentlicht24. April 2016 von Lanna in Kategorie "Schreibgedanken

Über den Autor

verträumt, chaotisch, wortverliebt.

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