Juni 22 2016

Unbeschwert schreiben

An manchen Tagen macht es mir einfach nur Spaß, zu schreiben. Es gibt Geschichten auf meiner Festplatte, die ich in einem wahren Schreibrausch verfasst habe, die mich Zeit und Hunger haben vergessen lassen, die aus mir herausgeflossen sind. Solch ein Schreibrausch ist selten und ich kann ihn nicht erzwingen. Ich kann nur auf ihn warten und ihn willkommen heißen, wenn er endlich anklopft.
Einen sehr viel größeren Teil meiner Schreibzeit verbringe ich mit Grübeln, Zweifeln, Verwerfen, Zweifeln, Löschen und Neuschreiben, Zweifeln – weil ich meinen inneren Kritiker nicht abstellen kann. Diese kreischende Stimme des Perfektionismus, die überall Raum für Verbesserung sieht und die nie zufrieden ist.
Unter anderem wegen dieser Stimme befindet sich Kumen-Esh zur Zeit wieder in einer Kälteschlaf-Phase. Aber ich habe mich an ein neues Projekt gewagt:

Ich möchte regelmäßig aus der Sicht meiner D&D-Schurkin Ria Tagebuch führen. Die ersten drei Abenteuerrunden sind bereits niedergeschrieben und ich habe das Gefühl, drei Fliegen mit einer Klappe zu schlagen.

1. Ich kann mir besser merken, was wir so alles getan und erlebt haben.

Ich hatte noch nie ein Problem damit, Dinge auswendig zu lernen. In der Schule mussten wir mal für den Geschichtsunterricht eine Liste über zwei DIN-A4-Seiten an wichtigen Jahreszahlen samt dazugehörigen Ereignissen auswendig lernen – machte ich am Abend vor der Prüfung und wusste noch Wochen später, an wievielter Stelle in der Liste welches Datum mit welchem Ereignis gestanden hatte.
Trotzdem kann ich mir keine Dinge merken. Solange ich mich nicht hinsetze und mir ganz bewusst etwas einpräge, gleicht mein Gedächtnis eher einem Sieb. Das fiel mir besonders auf, als ich vor unserer ersten D&D-Runde alte Unterlagen durchsah. Alte Charakterbögen, alte Dungeonkarten, alte Notizen: So vieles davon weckte zwar noch ein vages Gefühl, aber keine konkrete Erinnerung.
Deshalb beschloss ich: Dieses Mal notiere ich mir alles so genau wie möglich, beschrifte meine Karten, schreibe mir Zusammenhänge und Hintergründe auf, Zitate vom Spieltisch, Gedanken und Eindrücke. Damit ich später diesen (hoffentlich großen) Haufen Papier hervorholen kann, um mich zu erinnern. (Oder vielleicht auch schon in einem Jahr, wenn dieser eine NSC von ganz am Anfang plötzlich wieder auftaucht und niemand weiß mehr, ob wir ihn damals um 10.000 Gold betrogen haben oder ob er unser bester Freund auf der ganzen Welt war.)
Dummerweise ist auch meine Auffassungsgabe nicht die Beste: Im Moment bereitet mir das Mitschreiben, während der Spielleiter erzählt, während der Kampf wogt, während meine Mitspieler sich unterhalten, noch einige Probleme. Ich hoffe das bekomme ich in den Griff.

2. Ich schreibe regelmäßig

Manchmal hält mich die simple Tatsache vom Schreiben ab, dass ich keinen Anfang finde oder mich nicht entscheiden kann, woran genau ich arbeiten will. Sei es die Frage nach dem Projekt oder die Frage nach dem Kapitel, der Perspektive, der Szene. Außerdem neige ich dazu, Dinge vor mir herzuschieben.
Beide Probleme ergeben sich bei dem Projekt: Tagebuch nicht. Ich schreibe genau das, was wir erlebt haben (muss mir also nichts „neu“ ausdenken, sondern nur nacherzählen) und ich muss es geschrieben haben, bevor die nächste Runde losgeht (kann mich also nicht ewig davor drücken). Bisher ist es sogar so, dass ich alles noch am gleichen Abend oder spätestens am nächsten Tag aufschreiben will, damit die Eindrücke und Gedanken möglichst frisch und umfangreich sind.
Ich möchte jetzt nicht groß herumtönen, dass das eine todsichere Sache ist – aber im Moment bin ich sehr motiviert, dieses Vorhaben durchzuziehen. Denn:

3. Das Schreiben macht mir Spaß

Meine anfängliche Sorge war, dass es ein Heidenaufwand wird, gegen meinen inneren Kritiker anzukämpfen. Deshalb habe ich den ersten Tagebucheintrag tatsächlich ein paar Tage vor mir hergeschoben. Den Anstoß hat einer meiner Mitspieler schließlich gegeben: Er schreibt ebenfalls seine Geschichte auf und ich durfte mal reinlesen. Das war für mich wie ein Startschuss. Ich setzte mich quasi sofort selbst hin und begann mit Rias Tagebuch.
Tagebuch“ – schon war der Anfang gemacht. Frohgemut wie ich war, nahm ich nicht einmal den leichten Weg (und stieg mit dem eigentlichen Abenteuer ein), sondern schrieb erst zwei Einträge für die Tage, bevor Ria auf den Rest der Gruppe traf. Darunter die Nacherzählung eines Traumes, auf die ich sogar ziemlich stolz bin.

Was ist jetzt so besonders daran?
Es ist die Freiheit, sich ganz aufs Schreiben konzentrieren zu können.
Keine Theorie im Hinterkopf, kein innerer Kritiker.

Ich muss mir nicht überlegen, was als nächstes passiert, wo ich Andeutungen einbauen muss, wo Spannung entstehen soll oder wie ich jetzt noch diese eine Person oder diesen einen Konflikt in die Szene hineinbekomme (oder hinaus). Es ist mir egal, ob die Ereignisse Sinn machen oder konstruiert wirken – denn es liegt nicht in meiner Macht (nicht in meiner Verantwortung!) sie zu ändern. Sie sind genau so geschehen und ich bin lediglich diejenige, die sie aufschreibt.
Und natürlich muss ich mich überhaupt nicht im Stil einschränken.
Wo ich bei Kumen-Esh manchmal darüber verzweifle, meinen Füllwortgebrauch nicht reduziert zu bekommen, viel zu oft „aber“, „allerdings“, „eigentlich“, usw. zu nutzen, oder ständig nach Synonymen suche, um vermeidbare Wortwiederholungen zu vermeiden, ist es mir bei dem Tagebuch egal.
Es ist ein Tagebuch!
Weder ich noch Ria schreiben es, damit andere es lesen. Wir schreiben es, um unsere Geschichte festzuhalten. Und das tun wir mit so vielen Füllwörtern, wie wir wollen. (Und wir fangen auch so viele Sätze mit „Und“ an, wie wir wollen.)
(Ich werd nicht lügen: Es freut mich schon wie Bolle, dass mein Mann das Tagebuch freiwillig und gerne liest. Aber das tut er nicht, weil es stilistisch phänomenal geschrieben ist – und das erwartet er auch nicht – sondern weil es ihn interessiert, wie ich die Geschichte erlebe.)

Bei Kumen-Esh kommt es nicht selten vor, dass ich jeden Satz hinterfrage und am liebsten neu formulieren würde. Da liegt es an mir allein, Spannung zu erzeugen und Logiklöcher zu umschiffen, da sind Leser in meinem Kopf, die Ansprüche haben, Dinge erwarten, Perfektion verlangen.
Das Tagebuch dagegen schreibe ich runter, lasse es eine Nacht liegen, lese nochmal drüber und verändere vielleicht drei oder vier Formulierungen auf zehn Seiten. Und ich bin zufrieden.

Es wäre ein grauenvoller Roman – aber es ist ein wundervolles Tagebuch.




Veröffentlicht22. Juni 2016 von Lanna in Kategorie "Rollenspiel", "Schreibgedanken

Über den Autor

verträumt, chaotisch, wortverliebt.

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